So Valentine’s Day is quickly approaching, and you may or may not be in a relationship. And if you’re single, you may or may not wish that wasn’t the case, and I’m here to tell you that it’s okay if you do. In a previous post, I spoke about the perks of being single and how everyone should enjoy their singleness. “Enjoy your singleness” is honestly the most overused phrase amongst Christians. I still stand by everything I said in that post, and I one hundred percent believe that life is meant to be lived to the fullest, single or not. Yet, I would like to address a few things.
It’s okay to not want to be single. It’s okay to desire a relationship, not in the future, but right now. It’s not okay to make someone feel like they’re desperate or discontent with their life simply because they no longer want to be single. Especially as women, we get this a lot. Any slight interest in being in a relationship and we’re suddenly desperate. There is an unrealistic expectation of young Christian women to show no desire to be in a relationship, and to simply live life until our Boaz comes. Firstly, I never want to hear the name Boaz ever again. Secondly, we’re not logs. We have emotions, we have desires and we shouldn’t have to be silent about them. If a man says, “I want to be in a relationship”, it’s the cutest thing ever and we praise him for being a man and wanting to settle down. But once a woman utters that, we suddenly reek of desperation. “Enjoy your singleness!” is the response. “Be content with being single, your man will come when the time is right!” Hashtag double standards.
As women we are to desire to get married some day, but we aren’t to desire a relationship right now. We’re taught so much to enjoy our singleness, to the point that it makes some of us feel bad and almost guilty for wanting to be in a relationship. “One day I want to be married, but for now I just want to be single and focus on God” is the response expected from us. Don’t get me wrong, discontentment is wrong and I’m absolutely against idolising relationships and marriage, but there’s a difference between desire and discontentment. You can desire to be in a relationship and no longer be single, but still content with your portion. It’s like waiting on God for a job. You’re not a fan of being unemployed and you’d much rather be working than spending all day watching Netflix (as good as that sounds), but you’re still content in Christ as you’re waiting.
So as we’re in the season of love and cute mushy stuff, know that it’s fine to want that for yourself. You’re not desperate, you’re not dissatisfied (unless you are), you’re just human. Don’t give up the desire to be in a relationship, don’t suppress it, but definitely check it. Constantly check yourself to make sure you’re not turning the desire to an idol, and let God always be enough for you.
P.s. let’s pretend like I didn’t change my shoes mid-photoshoot.