I asked God to break me.
And he did.
One of my constant prayers since I came into the faith in 2016, was that God should remove everything in me that was not like him. I asked him to break me if he had to, and mould me back again in his likeness. Little did I know what it actually meant to be broken by God.
I was stripped of everything I valued, everything I depended on and everything that I subconsciously used to define my worth. 2018 was undoubtedly the hardest year of my entire life. I was tried and tested in every way possible. I cried so much that I had no more tears to cry. I felt defeated in so many areas of my life. I constantly questioned if God was truly for me. I was broken.
“Lord, Break Me.”
God told me that I had to trust him, but nothing made sense to me. Why did I have to go through this? I was convinced I was being punished because I wasn’t as dedicated to God as I could have been. I was so sure that God was trying to teach me a lesson.
I asked God many times to take the pain away, but he didn’t. Instead, he showed me again and again why this season was necessary. Why I needed to go through this pain. He told me that it will all be worth it in due time, I just needed to trust him and rest in him.
God stripped me of everything I depended on more than him, to show me that he is all I truly need. He showed me that I could have nothing, yet still have everything if I have him. God was also preparing me for the future plans he has for me. He told me that with the places he’s taking me, there is no room for idolatry. There is no room for me not to know who I am in him. He explained to me that with how he’s going to use me, he needs me to break away from certain mindsets. He needed me to have experienced loss, so that I will be able to handle gain without idolatry. He needed to expose everything that I subconsciously put my trust in, showing me that he is the only one who should have that place in my heart.
“The man whom God will bless must be the man who delights in God alone.”
I realise now how necessary it was for me to have gone through all that I did. Before this season of my life, I sometimes took God for granted. I definitely did not depend on him the way I do now. If I hadn’t gone through this season of brokenness, I wouldn’t be as reliant on him as I am now. I was gracefully broken. Now, I depend solely on him for my happiness and security.
And it’s still an ongoing process. God breaks you, strips you of your mess and damage, and rebuilds you in his likeness. God strips you of everything in you that is not of him. He takes your struggles from your past that you hadn’t realised were affecting your present, and with his love and grace he makes you whole.
God Breaks You to Make You
If you are in a season of brokenness, hurt or pain, remember:
God is breaking you of everything that is not of him.
God breaks you to save you from yourself.
God will tear you down to build you up. You are broken to be made whole.
God sees the end from the beginning. He knows exactly what he’s doing, trust him.
God does everything in love. He is love, he cannot do anything outside of who he is.
God breaks us to humble us. For us to completely rely on him, and to know that he’s the reason for our success and not us. He allows us to be broken to show us how much we need him. How we’re unable to save ourselves. He shows us how filthy our hearts are without him.
God breaks us of our self-dependence.
God breaks us of our dependence on others.
God breaks us before he blesses us.
In case you haven’t noticed already, I’m a fan of lists (just check out this blog series starting here). So here’s another list of a few things you should do when in a season of brokenness:
Embrace where you’re at. You can’t speed up the process but you can certainly slow it down if you don’t allow God to do what he wants to do with you during the process (remember the Israelites in the wilderness?). Count everything as joy (James 1:2-4).
Remind yourself that happiness is a choice. Sometimes it could be a harder choice to make than other times, but with God’s grace you are able to renew your mind, and you can have joy even in the midst of a storm (I’m a testament to this).
Run to God, not away from him. He’s the only one that can heal you. I spent a lot of time running away from God for a while. Although I still sought God and prayed, I would do only the “necessary”. I didn’t press in as much as someone who needed healing from God, and this only prolonged the process.
Surrender. Surrender your desires to him. Surrender your strength to him. Don’t struggle, but rest in God and allow him to work in you.
We are afflicted in every way, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are persecuted, but never forsaken or abandoned by God. We are struck down, but we are not destroyed. - 2 Corinthians 4:8-9
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. - Isaiah 43:2