So this week was a tough one for me (note: I wrote this post a while ago so "this week" no longer applies). I was praying so much to God for something that I wanted Him to do for me. But, as I normally do after prayer requests that I give to God, I asked that ultimately His will may be done. Because I want nothing that God doesn’t want for me.
But you know that thing where you ask God for His will to be done, but you still want His will to be what you want for yourself? That was me. I even told Him, “God may Your will be done. And if possible, let Your will be what I want.” Imagine the disrespect. I’m asking God for His will, implying that I trust His will to be good and perfect for me, but then adding that He should conform His will to mine? I might as well just have asked Him for what I wanted and called it a day. Cause I mean let’s be honest, the “may Your will be done” part was just for show, secretly hoping that because I “surrendered” to Him, He would reward me by giving me what I wanted in the first place.
Well surprise surprise, God’s will ended up not being what I wanted. So guess what I did? I rebelled. I got angry at Him and refused to speak to Him. I refused to read my bible for the whole day and I didn’t speak to Him. I chose to feel sorry for myself and drown myself in self-pity and I knew that I was only harming myself but at the time I just didn’t care. I knew I needed to speak to God but I was being stubborn.
Long story short, I snapped out of it and decided to humble myself and get back to God. I watched a sermon on YouTube that really helped, called The Problem with Pineapples by Pastor Levi Lusko on the Elevation Church channel. The sermon was about sex, and that’s not what I was going through but there was so much more that I got out of it. Then I discovered a devotional plan on YouVersion called A Heart of Worship with Tori Kelly and there was a video in which she sang the song Ever Be by Bethel Music. It was the first time I heard the song, and the part that stuck with me was: “Your praise will ever be on my lips”.
It really got to me. How could I actually be upset with God cause He refused to give me what I wanted? There are quite a few things I realised from this:
1. If you can’t trust God through the process, don’t expect Him to trust you with a blessing.
I didn’t trust that God’s plan is the best for me. Like I knew in my head that it is, but I wanted my way anyway. God promised in Jeremiah 29:11 that His plans for me are of good and not of evil, to give me a future and to give me hope. If I don’t trust where He’s taking me then how can He trust me enough to bless me at all? Am I going to always turn my back on Him when times get rough?
2. It’s actually a privilege for God’s will to manifest in your life.
God refused my will and gave me His instead, which shows that He actually cares about my wellbeing. He could have decided to let me do whatever I wanted, but I came to Him and asked for His will (which is obviously the best thing for me), and He gave it to me.
3. Praise God through ALL seasons.
Thank God, even though you don’t know what you’re thanking Him for. Even if you can’t see where He’s taking you, thank Him. God has given me so many reasons to praise Him. And regardless, Him being God is reason enough.
This incident taught me that I need to praise God through it all. No matter what I go through, no matter where I’m at in life, I forever want God’s praise to be on my lips. I forever want to firmly say to people - and to myself - that God is good and I will rejoice always.